Fly guy said, "It has taken me awhile to arrange all my thoughts so here it goes. 1st I am not erasing you from my phone. 2nd I never played you. 3rd I consider you more then a friend. I am not erasing you from my phone because I still like you, I was upfront with you from the beginning. I think you are amazing and I have only met you a few times. You give off a good vibe. Yes we had sex.... and it was fucking amazing, no lie best I have had had. You smelt so good, and your body felt so smooth against mine. I consider that a very special moment. You might feel as if I played you but it just kind of happened. I like texting with you but I don't like feeling you were giving off when I didn't text you back within a certain amount of time. Like I have said before when I am here I just focus on what I do here. I hardly talk on the phone and text all that much anyway so give me a little break on that ok. I would like to be in a relationship with you ok, its just something I am not even thinking about until I move back to Cali ok? I don't want you to get upset if i don't text for a few days or get back to you right away. that is what boyfriends and girlfriends do. sometimes I just dnt want to talk ya know. Jessica you are incredibly beautiful and intelligent and your the perfect woman a guy could want ok. You have my deepest apologies ok."
I have no idea really what to say to this message that he sent me.
Every single word on this message, i have question for....
Really hard to believe what he said...cuz i don't know what he wants from me anymore.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
At The Club
Been to some club...recently
the most recent, The Social, Sacramento
wack- the DJ was wack- it was like high school, retro crap
I mean i like listening to all kinds of music, but in a certain atmosphere of the club, some music is inappropriate
when i go to the club,
I do not go there to get all sloppy drunk like all them other bitches who can't handle their own liquor intake,
I do not go to the club to guys, hell no,
I go because I like to listen to mixes and dance
Do I like to dance with boys, yes...
I think sometime when there is a bad DJ, you just have to simply drink more so u sometimes don't even notice the ugly mixes they playing.
Just real talk-
I hate when I go to the club and pay and they playing ugly songs you can't barely dance to.
the most recent, The Social, Sacramento
wack- the DJ was wack- it was like high school, retro crap
I mean i like listening to all kinds of music, but in a certain atmosphere of the club, some music is inappropriate
when i go to the club,
I do not go there to get all sloppy drunk like all them other bitches who can't handle their own liquor intake,
I do not go to the club to guys, hell no,
I go because I like to listen to mixes and dance
Do I like to dance with boys, yes...
I think sometime when there is a bad DJ, you just have to simply drink more so u sometimes don't even notice the ugly mixes they playing.
Just real talk-
I hate when I go to the club and pay and they playing ugly songs you can't barely dance to.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Recover
No matter how many guys I meet this year, I think this year, 2010 is going to be my recovery period of my life.
Guys will come and go in my life,
but in the end, it will always be about my life
My life, I am rebuilding
constructing a new path in my life
This year is about setting new goals, maybe a new career
It starts by focusing in my studies
My dad had told me this weekend that not to think about him or my mom's best interest and not to think about that my future is for them- he told me that this is your moment, "this is for you... you do it for you and nobody else
and when u have reached that, then you will help your family, but right now, help yourself succeed; for you, only you."
He said there shouldn't be any boys in my life right now, he straight up and said, "NO!"
So, the only thing that I can do is listen and think to myself that I can do this, I can rebuild my life and recover from all these pain that some people have caused and move forward to my dream
KEEP MOVING FORWARD
I keep moving forward, I will recover
Guys will come and go in my life,
but in the end, it will always be about my life
My life, I am rebuilding
constructing a new path in my life
This year is about setting new goals, maybe a new career
It starts by focusing in my studies
My dad had told me this weekend that not to think about him or my mom's best interest and not to think about that my future is for them- he told me that this is your moment, "this is for you... you do it for you and nobody else
and when u have reached that, then you will help your family, but right now, help yourself succeed; for you, only you."
He said there shouldn't be any boys in my life right now, he straight up and said, "NO!"
So, the only thing that I can do is listen and think to myself that I can do this, I can rebuild my life and recover from all these pain that some people have caused and move forward to my dream
KEEP MOVING FORWARD
I keep moving forward, I will recover
Friday, April 2, 2010
Guys are Full of S***
they make u really believe that they are nice
they make you believe that they will take good care of you, because the the ex didn't
they make u comfortable enough so they can get what they want, which 80 percent of woman do give in to the pressure = sex.
They brake you
they play you,
they play games
too many playing around
really why?
they make you believe that they will take good care of you, because the the ex didn't
they make u comfortable enough so they can get what they want, which 80 percent of woman do give in to the pressure = sex.
They brake you
they play you,
they play games
too many playing around
really why?
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Heart or Mind?
How do you know when to follow your heart or your mind, when you feel like you're in that mind/heart set that this guy(fly guy) is the one.
My mind is telling me to just forget about him; he's just like all the other guys- like a player and a guy that will hurt me. The only that's hurting me right now from him is that he is ignoring me. He said he's not ignoring and not to worry, because he's just doing he's own thing there and that is it. What is that all mean? If I only knew what he really feels about me. I want to know, because I do not want to feel like this anymore- feeling like I'm waiting for something that isn't real. Why is it not real, because of all these bullshit "gf" crap- If it's real he wouldn't be playing around on facebook with other girls on his arms and wouldn't be acting like a player; especially when he said, he's a nice guy.
I guess in my mind, he isn't a real, nice, guy that I could wait for...
BUT then again,
My heart tells me that he is the one that I can wait for and that he is a nice guy(from knowing him since middle school); that in the end it will be worth it.
BUT then again,
My Mind tells me, do not wait for the guy, because you don't know what is going to happen between now and 6 months later; and he hasn't really said to wait for him.
So ya...
My mind is telling me to just forget about him; he's just like all the other guys- like a player and a guy that will hurt me. The only that's hurting me right now from him is that he is ignoring me. He said he's not ignoring and not to worry, because he's just doing he's own thing there and that is it. What is that all mean? If I only knew what he really feels about me. I want to know, because I do not want to feel like this anymore- feeling like I'm waiting for something that isn't real. Why is it not real, because of all these bullshit "gf" crap- If it's real he wouldn't be playing around on facebook with other girls on his arms and wouldn't be acting like a player; especially when he said, he's a nice guy.
I guess in my mind, he isn't a real, nice, guy that I could wait for...
BUT then again,
My heart tells me that he is the one that I can wait for and that he is a nice guy(from knowing him since middle school); that in the end it will be worth it.
BUT then again,
My Mind tells me, do not wait for the guy, because you don't know what is going to happen between now and 6 months later; and he hasn't really said to wait for him.
So ya...
From the Park
Met this guy at the club called, The Park.
He texted me, so I texted back.
He called, and we talked on the phone for hours.
We went our first dinner date at the PF Changs.
(I met up with him this time, learned from the very first date)
It went okay, it does not mean I am convinced that he is the one.
Oh NO, NO.
We will see.
There were some flaws, but I have flaws too.
But does that all matter or not
We had a really good conversation- from the time we talked on the phone up until the end of dinner.
He talked about this little girl a lot that he calls, "god daughter" or "daughter" he said it's his friends daughter- hhhhmmmmm???? right???
I don't know; still a question mark there.
But over all for the first date, an actual real first date, I give it a 75%.
Second date??? maybe? We will see, maybe the percentile will go up.
He texted me, so I texted back.
He called, and we talked on the phone for hours.
We went our first dinner date at the PF Changs.
(I met up with him this time, learned from the very first date)
It went okay, it does not mean I am convinced that he is the one.
Oh NO, NO.
We will see.
There were some flaws, but I have flaws too.
But does that all matter or not
We had a really good conversation- from the time we talked on the phone up until the end of dinner.
He talked about this little girl a lot that he calls, "god daughter" or "daughter" he said it's his friends daughter- hhhhmmmmm???? right???
I don't know; still a question mark there.
But over all for the first date, an actual real first date, I give it a 75%.
Second date??? maybe? We will see, maybe the percentile will go up.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Air Man- The Ending Chapter
I think that he so busy, he has his own priorities.
I told him that he could have tried to have a conversation with me
so that tells me, he is not really interested
he said he was sorry- apology accepted cuz i am a nice girl
he said i worry too much--
I don't like talking to a wall, especially when I text him and all i get is nothing, even on the weekends, when he is not working
I think that is the sign = no longer wants to talk to me and get to know me = Not so very nice; and he said he is nice.
3/29/10-
he said, "I just do me here Miss Cruz..."
and on top of it he doesn't want to get rid of me.
??????????????
3/30/10
I miss him, and he texted that he misses me too
I asked him when he moves back here, does he sees me being together with him?
???????????????
So, what I feel right now, about him, is nothing... he was just a friend that I had sex with and that was it.
4/01/10
so I finally talked to him; we are just friends and nothing more he said because we live apart and I'm crazy.
I guess he'll never know that I really liked him and that 6 months will go by so fast
and it a shame that he will never get the chance to really be with me.
it's my fault- I let my heart do the talking instead of mind and my guts
For now, I will end this chapter as another lesson learned--in do not date or talk to another military guy cuz it's too damn complicated(from one of my friend's recommendations)- unless they are really genuine and really really really want to get to know you and wants to be with you
I told him that he could have tried to have a conversation with me
so that tells me, he is not really interested
he said he was sorry- apology accepted cuz i am a nice girl
he said i worry too much--
I don't like talking to a wall, especially when I text him and all i get is nothing, even on the weekends, when he is not working
I think that is the sign = no longer wants to talk to me and get to know me = Not so very nice; and he said he is nice.
3/29/10-
he said, "I just do me here Miss Cruz..."
and on top of it he doesn't want to get rid of me.
??????????????
3/30/10
I miss him, and he texted that he misses me too
I asked him when he moves back here, does he sees me being together with him?
???????????????
So, what I feel right now, about him, is nothing... he was just a friend that I had sex with and that was it.
4/01/10
so I finally talked to him; we are just friends and nothing more he said because we live apart and I'm crazy.
I guess he'll never know that I really liked him and that 6 months will go by so fast
and it a shame that he will never get the chance to really be with me.
it's my fault- I let my heart do the talking instead of mind and my guts
For now, I will end this chapter as another lesson learned--in do not date or talk to another military guy cuz it's too damn complicated(from one of my friend's recommendations)- unless they are really genuine and really really really want to get to know you and wants to be with you
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