Caught UP!

Am I caught up in the dream world,
or is this happening?
This new Love
New feelings
something is happening whether I want it or not, whether I like it or not

Do I want to be caught up in this thing called, Love?
I do, but then I don't...
I'm still afraid to let love in
questions running through my mind-- is this world, this love just a fling? or is it for realz? what if he wants to be more than just friends, is he the one?
I don't want to be caught up in a relationship, when I don't know what is going to happen? Will he always make me happy-will he treat you right forever- will there be sex involve in this Love?
I don't want to be caught up in any thing, cuz I'm scared.

BUT

when you know and understand each others' point of view,
when you know how to finish each others' sentences,
when you know what's on their mind,
when your heart beats together with his,
when he treats you right way,
that is Love

I can't help it, when Love is catching up with me.

Caught up, in Love
I'm not in the dream world,
it's for realz

Judgementals

we listen to the criticism, the judgments...you change for the better, you prioritize, you do what is best for you-financially, socially, educationally, emotionally...just to make people happy, because it's the right thing to do...right?

What about what makes me happy?

I guess when people are happy is when you I will be happy...right?

No...

I sometimes do not want to listen to what people say about me or the other person,
it breaks my heart to know,
it makes me cry,
trying to live life,
to love, what ever is left of me

Who are you to judge who I date or who I talk to?
Why do you criticize or be judgmental about the person you don't even know...
If you are with an older, who you say is older and been through it all and has more history than a guy your age or younger... what is that say... 80% he knows how to treat a girl wrong, because he's been there and done already...
That's you, not me

I want to be with someone who actually hasn't experienced all that... BRAND NEW...
We don't know what's going to happen in the end...
If he is the guy that will make me happy in the end then he's the one...

We all say, "Guys are always nice in the beginning, but you never know how they are until you are actually with them." and if it's an older man, he might already have a criminal record, you never know, and if it's a your age or younger guy, there is no history; only a little...

We don't know how it's going to be in the future... and I don't want to know what the future will hold... I learned from my mistakes not to think about the future

I live my life one day at a time
I KEEP MOVING FORWARD

Stereotypes

We all have our list on how our men should look like...

...blah blah blah...

we judge before we actually know the person,
we stereotype them in categories that we make up
categories of what type of men they are
Types and classes they belong too...
Are they ghetto, are they trying too hard to fit in, that guys act the way they do-types,
they way they dress (what brand or type of clothes they wear), the way they talk (do they talk like girls, their tone of voice), the way they walk; all leads to the perceptions of who they are...
Their characters show a lot about them...

NOW...
Ask me if I care about these stereotypes of different types of men...
NO!
I don't care,
Who should decide what your future will be...who decide whose best for me?? ME! right?
Do I look for a typical guy... like I said what if he's the one and you let him go, because of the way other people stereotype a guy

Why do people judge other people just because how they are raise?
It's hurts to know how people portray other people because of who they are and what they look like.

I just want a guy, beyond the stereotypes, that will makes me happy.

Afraid

Afraid of love

Afraid to let love in
They may try to take the risk and do the unthinkable,
but not me
I can't do it, not that I don't want to, I just don't know how
cuz
I've been through it all,
even though I was with one person this pass several years,
a lot happened that 21 questions doesn't even compare

They might not worry, cuz they are guys
I worry, I worry about my heart
My heart is glued back together, cuz some1 makes me happy
but

Afraid that some1 will knock it down and break it again

Afraid to take a leap and jump and no1 is there to catch me
Afraid to go through it all over again
Afraid that a boy might just happen to really like me

Afraid to love

Aaliyah - One In A Million

SLow Down???

Even though we've only met each other for like 10 minutes, talked on the phone for like hours within one week... it's really different..
It's like when we talk, we can talk about a lot about what's going on with our lives
like there is nothing holding us back

I have to slow down though,

Why?

I don't know if I'm moving in too fast or he is, but I can't let that happen...
like one of his songs he's racing through my mind... am I love sick... am I going to be part of his past..slow down or it's not going to last...
Listening to his music is something real, his tone is very different, the way it flows is sexy
He can be some1 successful
But I am very open, if he wants to talk to me, why not...
shoot.. he can be part of my past too, if he don't slow down
I can't stop smiling, for realz...

I think I have to slow down...

Let things flow smoothly with both our busy schedules. If it happens, it happens

Time will keep going,
it's not about moving too fast or needing to slow down,
it's the moment of the relationship which in tales the movement of time.

Hurts to Know

Knowledge is pain, because when you find out or know something, it hurts.
Hurts to know the past, because it limits you from moving forward into the future.
Should it bother me,
should the past bother me, that I too is competing from the past

What is the past? Was it that great that we shall compete with it?

Tough Love

Love is very hard to come by... but when someone is out there for you, don't you think you should go for it,
why is there gotta be limitations and full of questions... I mean a lot of questions
A lot of background check...
Why not??
Why not try it out and see?
Do we have to know the person before we get to know the person... isn't the idea of meeting new people is talking to them and getting to know them?
What if he could be my soul mate, should I limit myself from finding out what is out there for me...
we have to take chances take those risk and see beyond the discovery of love out there
Right?
Why can't I take the risk and finding it out for myself?
I mean if it's a mistake, I will learn from it.


Love is hard to come by, why not follow my heart...
Why can't I follow my heart? Because my heart is not in me, to love
My heart is still in a chest hidden in the deep ocean

tough, very very tough

I think Something just Happened

You know what people have been telling me all this time,
when something happens, it will happen with a flow,
they said, "love will find you,"

so here goes...

Love is so brand new,
Something is very different about this feeling
This feeling,
that when you meet someone, you get that butterflies in your stomach...
Feelings I can't even explain
Didn't feel like that with any other guys that I have met
hhhmmmm
He put a smile on my face,
When we talk, it's not about science or about school.
Hearing what he does is something new to me, so brand new
Never even met him yet... weird
Feeling like this is unexplainable

But

Could it be, that this guy found my weakness, music
Could it be, that one touch of my heart, that he has found my love
Maybe...
Taking chances, trying new things, it's hard

But, my heart is still locked up in a chest and buried under the deep blue see
metaphorically speaking
and if someone is courageous enough to find my heart will have my love.

All I'm saying is that
I love it when a man is career driven, has a degree and sexy on the phone...

But

I still have no heart,
I have happiness,
but can this happiness turn in to love?

Am I still Broken

It's been almost a month since I've written something about my heart.
Once I replied back to AirMan to try it again, never gotten a response back... so once again my feelings are blocked by a wall, never going to start something with him

Been out with a friend who had said that we didn't have chemistry... saw couple movies and cheesecake factory, but that's all... nothing biggy... he's still the same, acts like a chauvinist
Been talking to the Park guy, but I still don't want anything to happen with him, cuz I want more... much much more
and then for some reason someone from the past contacted me... Teddy bear I call him, cuz he's so big like a teddy bear... He's been out of it cuz he's relationship is going down hill... that's what he said... but u know me... never believe anything.

knowing different guys is kinda fun...

So I've just been out there having fun... doing me... trying to finish school

It's been 7 months since the incident...haven't really talked about my heart being broken...
I think my happiness what makes me heal.