How do you know when to follow your heart or your mind, when you feel like you're in that mind/heart set that this guy(fly guy) is the one.
My mind is telling me to just forget about him; he's just like all the other guys- like a player and a guy that will hurt me. The only that's hurting me right now from him is that he is ignoring me. He said he's not ignoring and not to worry, because he's just doing he's own thing there and that is it. What is that all mean? If I only knew what he really feels about me. I want to know, because I do not want to feel like this anymore- feeling like I'm waiting for something that isn't real. Why is it not real, because of all these bullshit "gf" crap- If it's real he wouldn't be playing around on facebook with other girls on his arms and wouldn't be acting like a player; especially when he said, he's a nice guy.
I guess in my mind, he isn't a real, nice, guy that I could wait for...
BUT then again,
My heart tells me that he is the one that I can wait for and that he is a nice guy(from knowing him since middle school); that in the end it will be worth it.
BUT then again,
My Mind tells me, do not wait for the guy, because you don't know what is going to happen between now and 6 months later; and he hasn't really said to wait for him.
So ya...
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
From the Park
Met this guy at the club called, The Park.
He texted me, so I texted back.
He called, and we talked on the phone for hours.
We went our first dinner date at the PF Changs.
(I met up with him this time, learned from the very first date)
It went okay, it does not mean I am convinced that he is the one.
Oh NO, NO.
We will see.
There were some flaws, but I have flaws too.
But does that all matter or not
We had a really good conversation- from the time we talked on the phone up until the end of dinner.
He talked about this little girl a lot that he calls, "god daughter" or "daughter" he said it's his friends daughter- hhhhmmmmm???? right???
I don't know; still a question mark there.
But over all for the first date, an actual real first date, I give it a 75%.
Second date??? maybe? We will see, maybe the percentile will go up.
He texted me, so I texted back.
He called, and we talked on the phone for hours.
We went our first dinner date at the PF Changs.
(I met up with him this time, learned from the very first date)
It went okay, it does not mean I am convinced that he is the one.
Oh NO, NO.
We will see.
There were some flaws, but I have flaws too.
But does that all matter or not
We had a really good conversation- from the time we talked on the phone up until the end of dinner.
He talked about this little girl a lot that he calls, "god daughter" or "daughter" he said it's his friends daughter- hhhhmmmmm???? right???
I don't know; still a question mark there.
But over all for the first date, an actual real first date, I give it a 75%.
Second date??? maybe? We will see, maybe the percentile will go up.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Air Man- The Ending Chapter
I think that he so busy, he has his own priorities.
I told him that he could have tried to have a conversation with me
so that tells me, he is not really interested
he said he was sorry- apology accepted cuz i am a nice girl
he said i worry too much--
I don't like talking to a wall, especially when I text him and all i get is nothing, even on the weekends, when he is not working
I think that is the sign = no longer wants to talk to me and get to know me = Not so very nice; and he said he is nice.
3/29/10-
he said, "I just do me here Miss Cruz..."
and on top of it he doesn't want to get rid of me.
??????????????
3/30/10
I miss him, and he texted that he misses me too
I asked him when he moves back here, does he sees me being together with him?
???????????????
So, what I feel right now, about him, is nothing... he was just a friend that I had sex with and that was it.
4/01/10
so I finally talked to him; we are just friends and nothing more he said because we live apart and I'm crazy.
I guess he'll never know that I really liked him and that 6 months will go by so fast
and it a shame that he will never get the chance to really be with me.
it's my fault- I let my heart do the talking instead of mind and my guts
For now, I will end this chapter as another lesson learned--in do not date or talk to another military guy cuz it's too damn complicated(from one of my friend's recommendations)- unless they are really genuine and really really really want to get to know you and wants to be with you
I told him that he could have tried to have a conversation with me
so that tells me, he is not really interested
he said he was sorry- apology accepted cuz i am a nice girl
he said i worry too much--
I don't like talking to a wall, especially when I text him and all i get is nothing, even on the weekends, when he is not working
I think that is the sign = no longer wants to talk to me and get to know me = Not so very nice; and he said he is nice.
3/29/10-
he said, "I just do me here Miss Cruz..."
and on top of it he doesn't want to get rid of me.
??????????????
3/30/10
I miss him, and he texted that he misses me too
I asked him when he moves back here, does he sees me being together with him?
???????????????
So, what I feel right now, about him, is nothing... he was just a friend that I had sex with and that was it.
4/01/10
so I finally talked to him; we are just friends and nothing more he said because we live apart and I'm crazy.
I guess he'll never know that I really liked him and that 6 months will go by so fast
and it a shame that he will never get the chance to really be with me.
it's my fault- I let my heart do the talking instead of mind and my guts
For now, I will end this chapter as another lesson learned--in do not date or talk to another military guy cuz it's too damn complicated(from one of my friend's recommendations)- unless they are really genuine and really really really want to get to know you and wants to be with you
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Air Man Part 2
03/15/10-
My fly guy just texted me today, and actually called and left a message.
We talked and said hello... it was short.
Having a lil conversation about what is going on with him was kind of cool, because he actually was the one talking.
03/19/10-
we talked again today and it was so nice hearing his voice
but every time, I feel like it's too good to be true--talking to a guy like him
is it even worth it
and then I saw his facebook page again to see if he had comment on my post, he didn't... there is another woman in his life and calling herself his "gf"
I don't like it, can't do anything about it...
he said they're just friends and they both went through divorces at the same time, but I know that there could be something there
should i fight for something that could be real and just let my heart finds it's way
or should I get out now, before my heart gets hurt again.
My fly guy just texted me today, and actually called and left a message.
We talked and said hello... it was short.
Having a lil conversation about what is going on with him was kind of cool, because he actually was the one talking.
03/19/10-
we talked again today and it was so nice hearing his voice
but every time, I feel like it's too good to be true--talking to a guy like him
is it even worth it
and then I saw his facebook page again to see if he had comment on my post, he didn't... there is another woman in his life and calling herself his "gf"
I don't like it, can't do anything about it...
he said they're just friends and they both went through divorces at the same time, but I know that there could be something there
should i fight for something that could be real and just let my heart finds it's way
or should I get out now, before my heart gets hurt again.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Air Man
I will call this blog Air Man guy, because he will remain nameless for now in this blog.
I saw him when we were like in middle school at St. Claire Catholic Church and then went to the same high school and we were in the same piano class (which I do not remember but we were).
Time passed (8 years later)
he's in the AirForce now hence the "Air," almost done...he has a 4 year old daughter, divorce and has many gf that he talks to, including me.
started talking to him, I think it was December or January.
he's attractive and I like him
he said he likes me
We finally saw each other, one was on the 3rd of March, we made out- Kisses were good...but what did it mean?
and then the following week, he was acting up, so I ignored him and thought that, hey maybe he was just playing around and just wants to be my friend and maybe faith will bring us together someday, right?
and then he texted me sorry with a picture...
So i forgave him. I told him I was going to be down in the bay and if he wanted to kick it, he said yes- So i went over his house on Friday the 12th for a couple of hours and then went saw my friends
and then Saturday night, he took me to the movies and I spent the night. It was very darn in the room...(can't explain in details what happened in that room of his, but it took us a very very long time)= saw the light; it was a great night.
During the that night, he asked me if I trusted him; I shook my head, No, in reply.
I didn't know what was that all about...
it's hard to trust someone, especially when, 1. they're talking to multiple girls; 2. I do not know if he's for real or not, he may have texted it to me or said it to; 3. I still really don't know him yet
He may get mad at me about how I do not believe he's a nice guy; well buddy- you are nice, nice enough to treat a gurl right, but being nice ends at some point.
Being nice to me, means you just want to get into my pants (which he did)...see.
Trust is a big thing to me and I know for him, it is too.
but when I see a picture that he took to say I'm sorry to me and put it on facebook as to saying trying to grow a beard... whao... or trying to see her other gfs that he was talking to or I guess still is talking and the way they talk to each other on facebook = PLAYA
I may have fucked him, cuz i was literally on top the whole time, but how we both agreed that it was great...= It was Just sex and nothing more. I think to him it's more of we just having fun right now...I agreed... I couldn't help myself.. I have not have sex in like 5-6 months that is really good like that, but if it's just for fun to him and then it will be to me too.
He saying, if I live here right now (in the bay), I would make you my filipino woman... uuhhh huh.
Everything that I told him, was not a lie, he may believe, he may not... But when I say something, it's true, it's for real...
But when he saying something like, he's for real, I don't believe him; It's very hard.
So,
where do we go from here? I don't know...
My mind and my heart are telling me two different things right now
and so,
I will continue to talk to him, and just simply pretend that having great sex with him doesn't mean anything and be friends,
because I do not want to cry and be hurt again, because when I satisfy a man it's always great and I always end up hurt... so I will be a strong woman and believe that this relationship with the AirForce dude is just simply too good to be true...for now.
to be continued.
I saw him when we were like in middle school at St. Claire Catholic Church and then went to the same high school and we were in the same piano class (which I do not remember but we were).
Time passed (8 years later)
he's in the AirForce now hence the "Air," almost done...he has a 4 year old daughter, divorce and has many gf that he talks to, including me.
started talking to him, I think it was December or January.
he's attractive and I like him
he said he likes me
We finally saw each other, one was on the 3rd of March, we made out- Kisses were good...but what did it mean?
and then the following week, he was acting up, so I ignored him and thought that, hey maybe he was just playing around and just wants to be my friend and maybe faith will bring us together someday, right?
and then he texted me sorry with a picture...
So i forgave him. I told him I was going to be down in the bay and if he wanted to kick it, he said yes- So i went over his house on Friday the 12th for a couple of hours and then went saw my friends
and then Saturday night, he took me to the movies and I spent the night. It was very darn in the room...(can't explain in details what happened in that room of his, but it took us a very very long time)= saw the light; it was a great night.
During the that night, he asked me if I trusted him; I shook my head, No, in reply.
I didn't know what was that all about...
it's hard to trust someone, especially when, 1. they're talking to multiple girls; 2. I do not know if he's for real or not, he may have texted it to me or said it to; 3. I still really don't know him yet
He may get mad at me about how I do not believe he's a nice guy; well buddy- you are nice, nice enough to treat a gurl right, but being nice ends at some point.
Being nice to me, means you just want to get into my pants (which he did)...see.
Trust is a big thing to me and I know for him, it is too.
but when I see a picture that he took to say I'm sorry to me and put it on facebook as to saying trying to grow a beard... whao... or trying to see her other gfs that he was talking to or I guess still is talking and the way they talk to each other on facebook = PLAYA
I may have fucked him, cuz i was literally on top the whole time, but how we both agreed that it was great...= It was Just sex and nothing more. I think to him it's more of we just having fun right now...I agreed... I couldn't help myself.. I have not have sex in like 5-6 months that is really good like that, but if it's just for fun to him and then it will be to me too.
He saying, if I live here right now (in the bay), I would make you my filipino woman... uuhhh huh.
Everything that I told him, was not a lie, he may believe, he may not... But when I say something, it's true, it's for real...
But when he saying something like, he's for real, I don't believe him; It's very hard.
So,
where do we go from here? I don't know...
My mind and my heart are telling me two different things right now
and so,
I will continue to talk to him, and just simply pretend that having great sex with him doesn't mean anything and be friends,
because I do not want to cry and be hurt again, because when I satisfy a man it's always great and I always end up hurt... so I will be a strong woman and believe that this relationship with the AirForce dude is just simply too good to be true...for now.
to be continued.
Monday, March 8, 2010
How do you know? Part II
How do you know or how can you tell if the guy you like really likes you?
how do you know that you are the only one that they are talking to and serious enough to get to know you that will eventually lead to something new?
I don't think I will never find out, because it's just "talking" and nothing more.
how do you know that you are the only one that they are talking to and serious enough to get to know you that will eventually lead to something new?
I don't think I will never find out, because it's just "talking" and nothing more.
Going to be Single
I think after experiencing talking to different types of guys for this past 5 months, someone told me that i am going to be single for at least a whole year.
they said that i look so happy, look hella good, and just brush off that bad stuff of my shoulders.
I think they are right, I am going to be happy and single.
One of my sisters told me to pursue this guy that i like and made out with... he was sexy... he held my hand; and I was like, wtf are you doing? After 7 yrs any affection in the relationship just slips away, like holding hands. My ex didn't want to hold my hands anymore when we walk. And then this guy gave a good explanation as to why you should hold hands...
I asked myself, why should I pursue this guy? Why should I keep talking to him, if 1. he doesn't feel the same way, 2. He said we live far from each other, 3. he explained that he's just enjoying the company(him and I's company)... So, why should I put an effort in something that's probably not going to work?
My other blog, "trying"... you try and you try and what end up like shit.
I know I am not suppose to feel anything, I really don't, because I am still numb, I can't trust anybody, cannot believe what anybody says or do
and like what my coworker said,
I am going to be Single.
they said that i look so happy, look hella good, and just brush off that bad stuff of my shoulders.
I think they are right, I am going to be happy and single.
One of my sisters told me to pursue this guy that i like and made out with... he was sexy... he held my hand; and I was like, wtf are you doing? After 7 yrs any affection in the relationship just slips away, like holding hands. My ex didn't want to hold my hands anymore when we walk. And then this guy gave a good explanation as to why you should hold hands...
I asked myself, why should I pursue this guy? Why should I keep talking to him, if 1. he doesn't feel the same way, 2. He said we live far from each other, 3. he explained that he's just enjoying the company(him and I's company)... So, why should I put an effort in something that's probably not going to work?
My other blog, "trying"... you try and you try and what end up like shit.
I know I am not suppose to feel anything, I really don't, because I am still numb, I can't trust anybody, cannot believe what anybody says or do
and like what my coworker said,
I am going to be Single.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
It's so Hard
Everything...
everything is just so damn hard,
Life will never get easier nor be easier
Growing older, there are more responsibilities, more concerns about lifestyles, worrying about work or job opportunities, career goals...
Love will always be complicated, and never easy.
It use to be just crushing on each other, singing that K.I.S.S.I.N.G. song,
then the long phone calls before cell phones became popular,
Oh, don't forget pagers and 2-ways, something like that,
and Now there are many different ways to communicate Love to one another.
I'm just saying this because, it's really hard to believe in someone, because of all these technology and about other things...
Like what my other blog said, my heart and my mind are in two different places.
my heart tells me to talk to this guy whose really sweet and the way he talks and feels about life is so deep; and then there is this other guy who wants to really know me and also nice and hella cute, but so far away and another guy who has hella games and wants to sex me up; and other guys who just simply has no games, but are my friends for life; they all say what's on their mind and what they feel
Some came from a broken relationship which I can somewhat relate to, but worse
is that enough?
Should I keep talking to them,
Should I like one of them and not the other,
My mind keeps telling me a lot of reasons why I shouldn't get involve,
Should I even believe what they say; especially, when they say they want to make me feel sexy- In my head all I can think about is sex...
Should I just keep my eyes open and think that none of these guys will ever be real and be real serious with me? Yes
One said they like me, but they're too far away and just enjoying the moment; should I feel the same way...should I just enjoy the moment too
I don't want to enjoy the moment and end up in the dead end and one of us gets hurts and I don't want to be the person that gets hurt
One said, he's still legal married and can't get a divorce yet
This shit is hard, I like the guy, but nothing can happen..what kind of shit is this?
It's probably not worth it,
what's the point of talking to these guys?
Is it just for fun and pleasure for myself talking to different guys?
It's hard... I wish it was just like this--
I like him, he likes me, lets talk and get to know each other and have few dates and then Kiss and then sleep overs and start of new relationship... is that hard?
everything is just so damn hard,
Life will never get easier nor be easier
Growing older, there are more responsibilities, more concerns about lifestyles, worrying about work or job opportunities, career goals...
Love will always be complicated, and never easy.
It use to be just crushing on each other, singing that K.I.S.S.I.N.G. song,
then the long phone calls before cell phones became popular,
Oh, don't forget pagers and 2-ways, something like that,
and Now there are many different ways to communicate Love to one another.
I'm just saying this because, it's really hard to believe in someone, because of all these technology and about other things...
Like what my other blog said, my heart and my mind are in two different places.
my heart tells me to talk to this guy whose really sweet and the way he talks and feels about life is so deep; and then there is this other guy who wants to really know me and also nice and hella cute, but so far away and another guy who has hella games and wants to sex me up; and other guys who just simply has no games, but are my friends for life; they all say what's on their mind and what they feel
Some came from a broken relationship which I can somewhat relate to, but worse
is that enough?
Should I keep talking to them,
Should I like one of them and not the other,
My mind keeps telling me a lot of reasons why I shouldn't get involve,
Should I even believe what they say; especially, when they say they want to make me feel sexy- In my head all I can think about is sex...
Should I just keep my eyes open and think that none of these guys will ever be real and be real serious with me? Yes
One said they like me, but they're too far away and just enjoying the moment; should I feel the same way...should I just enjoy the moment too
I don't want to enjoy the moment and end up in the dead end and one of us gets hurts and I don't want to be the person that gets hurt
One said, he's still legal married and can't get a divorce yet
This shit is hard, I like the guy, but nothing can happen..what kind of shit is this?
It's probably not worth it,
what's the point of talking to these guys?
Is it just for fun and pleasure for myself talking to different guys?
It's hard... I wish it was just like this--
I like him, he likes me, lets talk and get to know each other and have few dates and then Kiss and then sleep overs and start of new relationship... is that hard?
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Another Lesson Learned
Can't always believe what people say
including guys
Don't make guys feel inferior over your body even though you can't help it cuz it's so sexy
Next time just Kiss...a simply kiss when you're hanging out
including guys
Don't make guys feel inferior over your body even though you can't help it cuz it's so sexy
Next time just Kiss...a simply kiss when you're hanging out
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